Love Them Not Judge Them
Communication with children struggling with addiction issues can be frustrating and strenuous at best. A parent's fear of losing their child coupled with the guilt of failed parenting leads to a desperate attempt to "get through" to their child. It is this desperation that often disrails the communication process. It is quite common for the entire communication process to revolve around the consequences of using, failures and misgivings and negative relationships rather than an attempt to determine why the child has turned to drugs to escape their reality. It becomes a cycle of judgement about the child's behavior, their friends, their choices and their attitude. It is this criticism and judgement that pushes the child farther and farther from the loving arms of their parents.
The alternative to this negative and judgmental approach is to love your child unconditionally without enabling. This is a fine line and will sometimes be met with cynicism and resistance. It is important that your child knows that you love them unconditionally and not just when they adhere to your rules or expectations. It is not uncommon for a child to feel unworthy or worthless and feel like they are a major disappointment and therefore hopeless in their situation. Turning around this perception is imperative if you hope to have any chance of 'getting through' to your child and motivate them to seek help. It is also important that you communicate and demonstrate this love by means that are not simply enabling your child to continue with their destructive addictive behavior. You must find a way to express your love for them without providing them them means or place to act on their addiction. Providing your child money, unconditional housing and a blinds eye to their destructive actions is not love...it is enabling. Providing your child with an open line of non-judgmental communication, a listening ear, an offer of mental and physical support and the provision of basic needs (ie. food and a place to sleep..not use) are great displays of love.
Persistence and consistency are the keys to success as you will likely have to be very patient. It will likely take time for your child to respond to your approach. Rebuilding trust by witnessing a consistent non-judgmental line of communication will eventually lead your child to engage in an open discussion about their issues and what is required for them to seek help. Motivating your child to seek help for their addiction and to encourage them to actively participate in recovery will be paramount to their success. It is important that communication remains non-judgmental and open regardless of the frustration from missed expectations and disappointments. It is so difficult to build the trust with your child but it can be lost in a single judgmental outburst.
Be patient. Be consistent. Be persistent. Plant the seeds of love and recovery. Your child cannot help but eventually respond.
